Undead - Under Par

This week, in the first of our off-season episodes, Dan, David, and Alex undertake their greatest role-playing feat yet. They're playing themselves in the zombie apocalypse. It turns out Patrick has some sort of strange death-wish, which has compelled him to create a hellish world filled with undead boat captains, bloodsport enthusiasts, and worst of all... pirate-themed mini golf courses! DUN DUN DUNNNN!

Listen in as slightly exaggerated versions of the RPGentlemen tackle armageddon with only what they can scrounge from Patrick's real-life pontoon boat. It's RPG-Z-Day, so grab your gear! The Z stands for zombies. Because that's what's going on. It's zombies.

Kain Campaign #44 - The Trash Can!

This is it: The Season 3 finale of The Kain Campaign!

It's time for Window to go head to bag with Magistrate Nee, Rodam, Twindow, Rodan, and whoever else has thrown their tricorn hat into the ring. Can Window and Rodam put their differences aside and work together for the greater good of Gorgarath? Listen in and find out in Episode 44 of The Kain Campaign!

Kain Campaign #43 - Out Of Bag Experience

This week we take a look back at the events of Season 3 that brought us to this episode, so that everyone's on the same page when Window travels into space for some reason or another...

An existential journey isn't all that's in store for our heroes, though, as Magistrate Nee upholds his end of the bargain and the city of Gorgorath gets ready for the debate of the century. But David's not going to let Window and Rodam off that easily, which means it's time for a bunch of 3rd-tier characters to come out of the woodwork to muck up the Dino Crew's plans in Episode 43 of The Kain Campaign!

Kain Campaign #42 - Trash Roots Campaign!

This week our heroes are all together in the tree-ridden city of Gorgorath! The Prom Boyz and the Dino Crew are a little awkward around their newly discovered compatriots, but with Window and Simple Garbage Teen's guidance, they can all learn to work together. Sort of.
Though their problems may not last for long if Simon follows through on Magistrate Nee's request and pulls up this dino-rebellion by the roots. Though Simon may find it hard to betray the adorable Rodam, and not just because Dan voices both of them... Listen in to all the gardening action and hardening factions in Episode 42 of The Kain Campaign!

Kain Campaign #41 - ReMoving Mountains!

This week, the RPGentlemen are up against the sinister forces of technology as they discover their lovingly edited Episode 41 has been devoured by the dastardly demons of discarded data! Unfortunately that means that the episode in which Simon finally got the chance to claim vengeance upon Mountain Aem and his group of Terra-rists has been lost forever...

So instead we bring you a dramatic re-enactment of that combat as well as some very profound thoughts on bear suits.

And in addition, as an offering to the gods of hard-drive corruption, we give as sacrifice what would have been Episode 42. So listen in as the Prom Boyz leave Port Artisana and make for greener pastures. Or should I say greener, dinosaur-filled caverns... All this and more in Episode 41 of The Kain Campaign!

Kain Campaign #40 - Simon's Spectacle

This week our heroes find themselves full of emotion (and burning vengeance) as their time in Port Artisana draws to a close. Simon’s discovery of his brother’s capture has brought a lot of fraternal feelings to the forefront, some more fiery than others. I speak of course, of Hoody and Boody. Despite being in denial for several episodes, it’s time to reconcile some time paradoxes. But you know the old saying, “Butts before huts.” Which… doesn’t really apply here, I suppose. Ummmm… Listen in to all the brotherly love in Episode 40 of The Kain Campaign!

Kain Campaign #39 - Fo' Chisel!

Alright, you ingrates! You’re under my boot now. I’m the Stone here, and if you don’t like that, I’ll grind you into silt. Somehow you’ve found yourself in the most elite section of our organization, but don’t think that makes you special. You’re nothing until you’ve proven your worth on the chisel-field. And until a time when you’ve hewn a perfect block from the bosom of this mountain, you might as well be a tiny, sexy hermit crab for all I care. Now let’s get chiseling!

This week our heroes infiltrate the most top-secret sect of the Terra organization. The Chiselers! After showcasing their (lack of) chiseling prowess for all to see, the Boyz set out on their true mission: finding the truth of Simon’s brother. It’s all in the family this week on Episode 39 of The Kain Campaign!

Kain Campaign #38 - Season's Beatings!

‘Twas the eve before Twin Knights, and all through Gorgorath
Not a dino was stirring, Nor Simple Boy, nor his trash
The kerchiefs were tied to their dinosaur necks
With hopes of advantage on all Charisma checks
The janitors were roused, their faces grown red
As visions of social change, danced in their heads
And Bearleg had his bear leg, and Window had its trash
We knew it was time to make a political splash
When out in the square, there arose such a noise,
We sprang into action, with our Simple Garbage Boys
Out into the streets, we flew like a flash
Careening through crowds, and blowing up trash
The bubbles and burbles of the shit-pits below
Gave the tumultuous scene a calming, orange glow
When what to our wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature bird -- his bodyguards kept near
With a flick of his wand, he produced a grand tree
And I knew in that moment he must be Magistrate Nee
More tight than a drum, his guards covered their asses
And with a booming bird voice, he spoke to placate the masses
“Now Dinos, and janitors, and orphans, and others,
Take this tree as a gift from your humble bird brothers.
From the shit pits below, to highest bird lairs,
This annual festive gesture shows you we care”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
A dino named Rodam, took a stand and he cried,
“We’re sick of living here down in this mess,
While you bird brains look down from your ivory nests!”
“We’re fed up with these ludicrous size-based castes.
You better make way for change, because it’s coming on fast.”
A dino chorus of voices joined in from below,
Booming louder than all, echoed “YES! I’M WINDOW!”
It was dressed all in bags, and a stunning tricorn hat
Blowing trash all around, its bags stuffed quite fat.
Standing proud on the brim was a small young child
And with a word, he sent the trash into a frenzy quite wild!
Its bags how they rustled, Its bean cans blew free,
Its hat raised up, and from underneath swarmed BEES!
With a nod, the guards fled along with Magistrate Nee,
But then came from the wind a warning, “NO FLEE!”
With a tip of its cap, the trashbags they rose,
And a beam of wind energy, shrunk unsuspecting dinos
Flying high through the cave, away from shit pits so smelly
The birds looked down on their pursuers, and you could tell they were totes jelly
As the party ascended, flying like a missile
The dinos gave a cry, and the trash gave a whistle
But I heard them shout clearly, as they flew past the trees,
“Happy Twin Knights to all!” and to all, “I KNOW BEES!”