Kain Campaign #31 - Whale Tale!

Mayday! Mayday! We be goin’ down! There’s no response, Cap’n… I think we may be sunk fer good and all. I knew that new crewmate was no good. Her and her elvish good looks. ‘Taint natural fer a being that aesthetically gifted to ride the waves. ‘Tis more fittin’ fer Terra pirates like us.

Ya know what I’ll miss in the afterlife? Pillaging and looting in the name of the Earth Spirit. ‘Twas a jolly time, collecting all manner ‘o masterwork items what fer building that beautiful drilling machine. Oh would that I were alive to see its completion upon the night o’ the eclipse. Oh well, COME AND TAKE ME, YA BLASTED WATERY BASTARD! YER’ OCEANIC DEPTHS DON’T SCARE ME! Oh, hey, before we die, Cap’n, check out that whale with the beautiful chestnut brown locks. Looks like it's got some trash bags in its mouth...

This week our heroes find themselves still at the bottom of the ocean, though now things seem far more watery than just a moment ago. Or should I say a moment four weeks from now? You’ll see what I mean...

Things get all churned up when our heroes discover a familiar face, er, stone in the hands of a mysterious diver, though there’s only so much they can do while struggling against the crushing pressure and exorbitant amount of available whale jokes. Listen in to all the baleen themed humor in Episode 31 of The Kain Campaign!

Also appearing in this episode is the Celestial Legend of Captain Marshall Rials: Leader of the Thieves Guild, who quashed the Dark Grey vs. Light Black rebellion of 964DE, here inscribed for all eternity (and for the sake of clarity):

There is a tale, that without fail is sung from ship to mount
Of blood and cloaks, and cosmic jokes, 'tis an awfully grim account
The Guild of Thieves, many believe, would ne’er withstood such trials
Lest the command, and practiced hand of The Captain Marshall Rials.
Oh the minstrels e’er will sing of it, Captain Rials’s fateful day
His captain-hood had all been good till one thief donned the Grey
“Tis not dark-black” his brother attacked, with word as well as blade
a spray of blood, then in the mud, down fell the lighter shade.
“Order, fellows!” Rials bellowed, as tempers flashed and flared
His booming voice, gave men no choice, ‘xcept to calm and clear the air
And so it was, ended the cause, o’ this lack o’ fashion sense
Til the guild woke, amid twelve Grey cloaks, one morning three days hence.
The rebels stood, peered through grey hoods at their brothers in their beds
“Lay down your knives and keep your lives,” the courageous Captain said
“Sit down, old man! Tis out ch-yer hands,” one Grey sneered, “Say yer prayers”
Rials eyed the blades, donned a pair of sick shades, and loosed forth a booming, “YEEEEEAAAAAAAAH
The shocking blast, when finally past, left a motionless Captain Rials
But upon reflection, a close inspection would note his knowing smile
Attempting to stand, the Grey leaned a hand, upon one of his cloaked brothers
But looking around, Grey and Black both found, they couldn’t tell one from another
His final deed, all have agreed, freed the Thieves Guild from its strife
For the greater good, he gave his captain-hood, and with it, his mortal life
But the Captain’s ghost, in his new heavenly post, still wore his knowing smile
“The rebellion fell, with a Color Blindness Spell”, laughed The Legend Marshall Rials